The 'Stache
by xKillthelights
Summary: Batman tries on a new look to intimidate criminals. Unfortunately, it doesn't go as well as he planned. Just a silly little one-shot I wrote,and couldn't resist posting.


**The 'Stache.**

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"Commissioner." Came the rasping voice of Batman. Gordon jumped at the sound and turned around.

"Ah, hello Batman. I was hoping you'd come." Gordon walked over to the Bat signal and turned it off.

The vigilante was cast into total darkness, his tall, broad frame silhouetted against the glow of the moon. Gordon couldn't see his face.

"Why wouldn't I? Have I ever let you down before?"

"Well…no. Never mind."

"So what did you call me for?" Batman stepped forward, his voice low with curiosity. He took one more step and waited impatiently. Gordon could now completely see his face. Well, what was below the mask, that is.

Gordon glanced at him, and then closed his eyes, wearily. "The Joker's escaped Arkham ag-." The commissioner abruptly stopped, and his eyes snapped open. Something was wrong. Batman looked...weird. Gordon took a double take. He then took off his glasses, rubbed them on his coat, and settled them back onto his face. _What was that?_ Gordon squinted. Batman remained silent as the commissioner studied him.

Finally, Gordon spoke. "Is that…is that a mustache?"

Batman coughed. "Yes, uh…I kind of wanted to try a new look. Do you think this'll scare the criminals out of their wits? What do you think?" Batman gave a growl, baring his teeth. With the facial hair, the effect was slightly more comical than if he had been clean shaven.

Gordon coughed back his laughter. "Umm…isn't the facial hair my thing?"

Batman seemed skeptical. "Is it? I wasn't aware someone could own something like that."

"Well, uh…Batman…"

The vigilante frowned. "So, you don't like it."

Gordon tried to think of a way to put it nicely. There really wasn't any way to do so. Even though Batman looked sort of funny, he still was a very intimidating kind of person. Gordon didn't want it to come out the wrong way. He didn't want Batman to think that he was making fun of him. Who knows how he would react.

"Batman…don't you think facial hair would make you slightly more…recognizable? I mean, whoever you are in the daytime…It'll make people put two and two together more easily…"

"You think I look stupid, don't you." Batman looked pretty disappointed.

Gordon sighed. Now he felt bad. But still, he tried to bluff his way through it. "I said that you'd look more recognizable. I didn't say you looked bad with a mustache."

"Yeah, but that's what you're thinking."

"Batman-."

"If that's what you're thinking, just say it!" Batman certainly looked angry now. This is what Gordon had hoped to avoid. He looked down and avoided the vigilante's eyes.

Batman took a few more steps toward Gordon, and soon they were face to face with each other.

"Say it." He said in a low voice. "I want to hear the truth."

Gordon mumbled something unintelligible against his coat.

"I can't hear you Gordon." Batman's voice sounded pretty dangerous about now. Gordon thought that statement was pretty ironic, considering the man was dressed up as a _bat_. Weren't they supposed to have good hearing?

"I'm waiting."

Gordon finally gave up. Batman seemed pretty upset, but he wasn't going to hurt him for telling him the truth. They were allies. Hell, they were partners. They trusted each other. "I don't like your mustache." Gordon said clearly, looking up to meet Batman's eyes, but fearing the worst.

The vigilante's reaction was the complete opposite of what Gordon had expected. Batman immediately broke into a huge grin. Gordon's eyes widened in shock. Batman never smiled, much less a huge, amused one. Gordon's felt his eyes narrow suspiciously.

"Hey, Gordon." Batman's voice was light and amused this time, although the low tone was still in effect, somehow. It seemed wrong coming out of Batman's mouth. "What day is it?"

"What the hell does that have to do with anything…? April 1st..." Realization suddenly dawned on the commissioner as Batman smiled and raised his gloved hand to his face. With one fluid movement, he tore off the false mustache and let it fall to the ground.

"April Fools, Commissioner." Batman started to laugh at the bewildered expression on Gordon's face.

"Nice one, Batman." Gordon gave a short, weary laugh, and took off his glasses. He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and his forefinger. Batman was the most unpredictable man he had ever met. Well, besides the Joker. But Batman was the most sullen, brooding person one minute, and the next he was smiling and laughing. Gordon suddenly felt a headache coming on.

"Every year. I fall for it every year. I'll get you one of these days. I'll start marking down-." Gordon opened his eyes and looked around. Batman was no where to be seen. He had left in the middle of a conversation yet again. He was no doubt on his way to catching the Joker right that minute. But, man, Gordon really did hate when he just left like that. And he was the only one who could get away with it too.

"I'll get you next year." Gordon said half heartedly. But in truth, he really doubted that he'd ever fool the Batman. But maybe there was still the Batman was human. He was going to have to slip up sometime. Everyone did. Even those as unpredictable as the Dark Knight himself.


End file.
